Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
