somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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