I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
