I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
