I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The power of my boobs compel you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
