dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
