your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
