Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
