i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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