Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
