I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
