ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
