Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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