The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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