I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
pray to the hookup gods
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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