Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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