My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
