You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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