I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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