i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
