she woke up with a sticky ear
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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