Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
