first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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