I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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