lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
