the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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