Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
