the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
