He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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