the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
