Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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