Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
