I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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