I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
