based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
