covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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