somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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