She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
