Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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