I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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