you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
