MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
