party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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