the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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