dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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