Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize