I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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