I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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