Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
