i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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