She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize