I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
