I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
