I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just googled if crying burns calories
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
