I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
