I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
