I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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