Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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