You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
