are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
