ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
