No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
