you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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