that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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