i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
