apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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