1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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