Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
