last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
