party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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