Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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