I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
