I think im going to throw up on grandma
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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